Max Bygraves, Richard Clayderman…flip flip …Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass, James Galway…flip flip…Perry Como (is that real hair Perry?) James Last, Kamahl (whom I once met, he has warm and soft hands)…flip flip flip … Walt Disney presents Mother Gooses Nursery Rhymes…flip…Scottish Pipe Band collection…oooh, and there’s a jowl of Harry Secombe fireside and Christmas Time classics! (I decided to invent the collective noun for Harry Secombe records, a jowl, other collective noun candidates could include, a beard of Demis Roussoss and a fondue of Nana Mouskouris, please send me your suggestions)…flip flip… there’s James Last, again!
There’s a real smell to old vinyl records as you flip through them. It’s a combination of dank, musky and mildewy cardboard, blended with an immediately acrid acetate funk that fumes to a saccharine cellulose glossy finish. A smell not too dissimilar to showbiz.
I really stank up a Salvos the other day with each 33 and a 1/3, by wafting and fanning their pheromones towards the clothes racks and op-shop Tupperware orphans, while I nonchalantly dismissed one dewy-eyed yesteryear idol for the next candidate…flip flip…Cliff Richard!
I get a real kick out of the little stereo badges that inhabit an LP corner. These tiny graphic marvels give a pop to the cover with their eager promise of ‘higher’ fidelity and ‘wider’ stereo, courtesy of flared arrows, fetchingly stylized ellipses and nestled conical shapes.
Not to be outdone by fidelity swatches, no LP cover would be complete without the iconic record label logo.
These logos are typically welded in the top right hand corner, in a jarring font and graphic that edifies the permanence and steadfastness of the Gods of the Record Industry. These titans and eternals mythologize themselves with names such as Decca, WEA, Axis, Coronet, RCA, Victor, Summit, Starcall, PYE, Polydor, and the list of the fallen and forgotten continue while I flip on through a now lost epoch.
I find myself struck with an odd melancholy. I feel as if I am witnessing a fallen civilization for the very first time. Each LP now resembles a tomb stone with impenetrable hieroglyphics and cornball close-ups, and this forgotten corner of the Salvos has now become a crypt!. I am the tomb raider, but this time without the spandex – just some hip pop archeologist, probably wearing corduroy, and ominously wondering “what’s that smell?”
My recent op shop expedition got me thinking: “One day I want to be nestled amongst the Kamahls and Comos of that great long lost empire of LP music.” I had a long hard think about it, and several minutes later decided that in order for that to happen I’ve got to:
1) get my vinyl records out from under the bed and into the world
2) have folks listen and enjoy the marvel of analog stereo (and experience the effort of flipping the side after 19 minutes)
3) wait many years until said folks move house and forget LP in cardboard box in parents basement, which in turn ends up at a Salvo’s roadside bin after an estate clearing auction mistakes said box in basement as an assortment of worthless LP’s and cleaning products.
And that gave me an idea:
Together we can do 1) & 2), and with a little luck and a lot of time, maybe one day, a future junk shop picker will see a Thorns To Sleep nestled between Beyonce and Paul Kelly and think “whoa, cool, I love this old shit”!
DAVES LP DEAL! (Ends May 1st 2015)
I want to send you my LP pressing of Thorns To Sleep and include with it some very special (or weird) OP SHOP TREASURE that will both amuse you and not push the postage weight over the 500 gram limit. I will also include a cd copy of the album, just in case your Chrysler doesn’t yet have a record player installed.
This deal starts now and ends May 1st, so drop the wax, put the needle down and get yourself some new vintage before it’s too late! (double ironic tautology intended)
Price 33 and 1/3 dollars (AUD $ 33.33), which includes regular postage to Australian mainland addresses. CLICK HERE!
If you are anywhere else in the world and want in … send me a personal email and we’ll work something out that won’t kill the deal with crazy shipping costs ! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I will be personally getting this all bundled up for y’all, so please shoot me a howdy with any special requirements or requests!
Cheers and thanks for your ears,